Bad Boyfriend, Better Writing?

Like countless women, I dated the wrong guy in high school. This wasn't simply a case of falling head over heels too quickly, going through a tough breakup, and then learning from my mistakes and growing as a person. Although these are all aspects of my story, I still struggle to process my experience several years later. My high school boyfriend was emotionally and sexually abusive, and our relationship took an extreme toll on my mental health. I doubted myself and my experience constantly, and I even began to have anxiety attacks and nightmares that lasted for months after the breakup. Needless to say, I was no longer thriving. About a year after our relationship ended, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

It isn't easy to categorize this part of my life. I will never be "grateful" for the suffering I endured during that relationship, and I wouldn't say that the ways I have grown since then make the experience "worth it." I still struggle with anxiety attacks and nightmares sometimes, and I know that my relationship with my ex-boyfriend is to blame. Nevertheless, the impact of my experiences on my writing life was significant. During and after that dating relationship, I wrote to process what I felt I couldn't tell anyone about. I began to record my nightmares, and I eventually adapted some of them into creative stories. One of them even won an award. My suffering inspired me to write in solidarity with other hurting humans.

My life is much brighter now. I am married to a dear friend of mine who has helped me heal and grow. I still write (for fun instead of out of desperation), and now my work has more lived experience behind it then it did before. I don't know if that makes me a better person, but it makes my writing better.

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